Well now, the whole bloody site crashed and I had actually already typed a whole lot of things about that jerk and things to her.
Let's start again, despite the fact that I have lost all anger to type that out again.
Who are you to judge me, who are you to say that my poetry is crap or that I am bad, evil, whatever you want to call me. You don't even dare place your name here. Your name, your parents' tagged you for a reason in life, to daringly, and with courage, place your name before all others who are to judge the validity of your statements. You do not judge poetry or seem to elevate yourself above all others? You are suddenly a literary god? Come to claim vengeance for the sake of your love? Well, obviously you have no inkling of what I am. I am, a person, a mortal, a boy if you will, who just this year took literature and while with a wonderful inspirational girl, managed to begin a journey of writing poetry. I have no claim that my poetry is good, I do not claim anything, if you will, I am nobody. I am a nobody defending his website against people like you who try too hard to first begin typing a hate letter to someone you obviously have no idea is. Yes you do no know who I am. I am a boy, a boy who is of no concern of yours, except that somehow you believed yourself a self-righteous person and the one to exact your believed vengeance upon me, for the sake of what you heard from someone else. You try to come here and defile my site, hopefully to make me feel embarrassment of some sort, well, you did not realise that one, you are a coward, two, you cannot use the English language proficiently (judging by the way you placed actually good words alongside the colloquailisms. If you want to seem like you have a better grasp of the English language, go ahead. The whole point is that you're so readable you're a joke. You first insult poetry, then proceed on to somehow try to show the whole world that you can make some effort at literature, you have vivid descriptions about my death, but try as you might, it only seems to belittle you further. Look at how you just go on and on and on about me, me, inconsequential Erwin Nah Hark Eyan Lan Xueyuan, and just don't seem to understand. The way you should have done it, was to place the truth. Place the reasons why you seem to harbour this hatred for me and then go on to insult me with simplicity, to allow my own conscience to work on me, if I'm wrong, and then the honest simplicity of the insults would be able to sink in. I guess no, you're not the brightest tool. I cannot stop you from thinking the way you do, that I'm a bastard and that you're on the side of good, going after the baddies, guns ablazing. But please, I beg you, for your own sake, grow up. Just begin to view the world with more happiness, try to actually get to know people better before passing judgements for or on their ex-es. the bottom line is you fucking twit, is that you have no idea who I am, and that you genuinely want to take a swipe at me, because you have a blown-up idea of your relationship about yourself and justice.
To my ex: I am sorry that you somehoh keep thinking that way. Let us get things clear now, I LOVED you. That was then. And I did. I did love you with my heart, you have to look at the big picture, not the last part where I was more than ready to throw in the towel. I did love you, you have to realise (finally!) that not one person in the world actually can go on for months thinking as to how to make another happy, contribute love, time and money to create the sense of well-being and the illusion that the world is a happy place. I loved you whole-heartedly, you might not think that now, but I seriously don't care whether you believe me, I did love you, with all my heart and with all the words in those poems and you have to absolutely know this. You were the one I loved, the one who got me started on poetry, the one who was the inspiration for almost all my poems, you were the ones they were based upon, and no one does that for someone they did not love. I loved you. But that was then. And you've got to understand that what I type about this girl today might not be what I feel tomorrow, it's something called a crush, where you like a person very much and then new information about them is revealed and you don't think it can happen, and you move on. I don't care whether you care about this, but I no longer have any illusions about whether I can get this new girl, because i can't go after someone who cannot spend time with me. Someone who does not want to step out of her comfort zone, someone who is absobed into her essence so totally it becomes magical and she can spin her imagination so vividly that she becomes the most interesting person anyone would love to fall madly in love with her. But everyone had flaws, and hers hinders all who try. So yes, I mix with girls, I look for dates, but yu've got to realise that in SAJC, I'm a guy who wallows in self-pity and talks about dating with his close friends and then no one wants to date him at all. I'm not someone who chases skirts all day long, I actually am left quite by myself a lot. So yes, please try to realise that it's not that i was lying to you, it's that I'm not typing things on you and your life. I don't care. I don't matter in your equation any longer dearie. There is no us now, but there once was, and I thank you. But that's it. And you have to remember, that I was totally devoted to you in YJC, I had no inklings whatsoever to be going for other girls there, though you always had a roving eye for this guy and that. I left you now because I couldn't handle this, the obligations you expect me to carry out. You may not think that way, but well, I didn't want it anymore. So yeah, I'm taking the express train to Move-On City and I'm not even looking back. I may appear callous now, but it's just how I want to feel, nothing.
I would have loved to type out my most enjoyable yesterday going out with the Science fac people first and then the mixed group after that, thanks to Andrea, Alan, Adeline, Clarise, Denise, Jason, Jessica, Koustav, Marc, Rebekah and Zeng Wei. I would also love to give a grateful thanks to anonymous "Friend of ERwin" for standing up for me and saving what's left of my dignity and defending me on a day when I was unavailable. Thanks be to God also, for opening my eyes and helping me on my way to freedom, God be praised, and may he bless all who help defend those who cannot defend themselves, bless those who are like angels sent from heaven, injected into your lives to make the day better and ultimately our lives a more tolerable experience. Keep Miao safe also, may she do well today and keep that sickness aside. Sugababes "Run for Cover".
Cheers!
A Boy.
